Shelter Dog

by Admiral Phantom

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04:15

about

Shelter Dog was written and recorded over a year and a half of school breaks, voice memos, and Facebook messages. We can't believe we made it this far. Thank you.

credits

released September 2, 2016

Nick Abraham: Guitar (2, 3, 5, 7, 8), Bass (1, 4, 6, 9), All Of The Screams
Brendan Fenton: Guitar (1, 6, 9, 8), Keys (1, 3, 6, 8), Bass (2, 3, 5, 8), Drums (4, 7), None Of The Screams
Eli Shively: Drums (1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9), Guitar (4), Bass (7), Some Of The Screams

Recorded/mixed/ProTools-ed/etc. by Nate Gliebe at Edgewood Recordings

Our friend Lauren Richter is on the cover.

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all rights reserved

about

Admiral Phantom Cleveland, Ohio

screamo/emo/post-hardcore from cleveland, ohio

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Track Name: It's Dangerous To Go Alone
I've got to get out, I cannot stay here
Putting my neck out, I cannot stay here
I thought you all knew me, I cannot stay here
I cannot get out but I cannot live here

Grasping at straws for one
Single fragment of what I was
Give up kid, you're nothing here
I'll give up, I'll give up

Help is on the way
I'll ignore it every single time
I've been wishing
For a life that isn't mine

Grasping at straws for one
Single fragment of what I was
Give up kid, you're nothing here
I'll give up, I'll give up

I've been running from, what you told me to wait for
But something's gotta give
And I'm giving so much
Track Name: Fountain Of Dreams
You won't leave me alone (I've got a bone to pick with you)
You're coming as I go (you love to see me hurt)
You tell me that you miss me what good does it do
I've got a million reasons to never speak to you
I'm not trying to guilt you into anything
It's time I let you know that you made a mistake
I can't believe this is really happening
Cause every time you leave I swear you're coming right back

I'm worried that I've felt all there is to feel
And that the love I was given may have never been real
I just wanted to be the one to make you happy
But if I can't do that for myself then it's best if just let you be

I promise this is the last song about you
And if you don't believe me then that's the smartest thing to do
I can't deny that you're all I wanted and everything that I thought I'd need
I gotta think about myself and you're poison you're fucking killing me

I am scared that I've felt all there is to feel
And that the love I was given may never have been real (never have been)
My dear I just want you to be happy
So if you try then I will too, to keep my head up
But I can't promise anything
Track Name: James And The Giant Disappointment
Am I fucking up? Am I fucking up again?
Maybe someday I'll know. Maybe I'll never know.
You said I was your home, but you don't live here anymore
I should have let you go. I should have let you go.
A daydream, turned to a nightmare that I have every day
But now I'm awake
I am awake

And for your sake I will pretend that I am fine
I will be polite and welcoming
But your lasting effects still hit me now
I can't get "I love you" out of my throat, and I am drowning

I want to protect you from everything
But you are everything that I need to be protected from

And one day it stopped
Track Name: Heaven Is For Real
There is nothing we can give ourselves
All we've ever had, we've been spoon fed
Our hands held
Learning to fly for the first time
There's not much I can do to keep the sun out of my eyes

Help me.

I'm not content, but heaven is a place I've been.

I can see it now, and it's beautiful.
Track Name: Whale Shark 2: Whale Shark Returns
Maybe someday I'll get a grip
But these shaky hands won't hold on
I'm a mess I'm a wreck without you
When you're around I'm even worse off
I'm giving up on myself, despite what they all told me
My best efforts still fall short
I'm not enough, I'm not enough, joke about it all you want
But you won't say I'm wrong

Who needs to sleep when there's a whole world to fret over
I'm sick as a dog, you're a sicker pet owner
I'm kicked and I'm beaten it's clear I'm not leaving
You can't tell what's wrong while I'm lying here bleeding

And when it's all over I'll still be left waiting
Alone and without you while nothing is changing
Your habits and relapses keep on this cycle
You just don't feel this but you know that I will

Please

Let go

Please

Leave me alone

Don't make promises you can't keep.
Track Name: Everyone I Know Who Skis Is Dead
I truly believe
If I were so much as content
I wouldn't know

I feel myself
Regressing
Will I be whole again?
Could I shed this skin?
Don't leave me now
No matter what I say
I need help
I need help

I'd like to be
Concrete
Instead of
Fleeting
A place where my shrieks
Are whispers
And my hands
Aren't shaking
They're held
They're happy

Give me something to hold
A warm embrace, now cold as stone
What's the endgame?
What's the endgame?
Get me out, I knew my way
This mind is a trap, loose and concave
Maybe it's in my head
I know it is, that's the problem at hand

Can't believe that it's come to this
Empty bottles in tightly closed fists
Everything's numb and hazy
This is it, if I'm lucky
Come to, I've failed on my own
Can't you, let me go home
Not where I have meals and a bed
Home is where I'll finally feel dead

I'd like to be
Concrete
Instead of
Fleeting
A place where my shrieks Are whispers
And my hands, Aren't shaking
They're held
They're happy

Think that I know what I must do
This is how it ends
Cannot live, cannot love, cannot feel
But I'm doing so to make sure that you stay

I had it all figured out
Had it down to a science
I'd be well, I'd be happy again
I did it myself, and look where I am
Couldn't be better than now
This is the way it has to be
For you to be healthy and full of life
I will die at my own hand
Track Name: Bipolar Ghost Dog
It's time to be a man they told me I don't understand the notion
I refuse to be anything at all
And I'm not sorry for the way that I feel
I'm lost inside this body, a vessel that cannot be real

What am I? "Fucking freak."
I know, I'm lower than the low
Dying at worst, dysphoric at best
Nothing beats inside this hollow chest

I wanna cut my hair
I wanna change my clothes
I wanna throw myself into the sun and always be alone
I wanna end it all
I wanna let myself go

Constant state
Of panic and alarm
I'm never safe
Always in the way of harm
This isn't how
I was meant to live

I wanna cut my hair
I wanna change my clothes
I wanna find a place that I can finally call my home
Until then I'm lost
Until then I'll be alone
Track Name: Shelter Dog
I can't keep thinking, can't keep ignoring
Going through motions, feel like I know them
Harbor a grudge I can't think to let go of
Nothing sticks nothing leaves any trace
You make me wish that you hadn't come up to haunt me
I'm no halfway house
But you treat me like a sorry excuse, you deserve to be happy but I do too

Notes and notes that I've kept
I keep lying to myself, that you haven't left but you're not here
Shell of a boy you made for yourself
Years ago you'd reserved my hell
And you know
What you've done

"You're getting closer" you tell me
Is that the way this goes
Whose side are you on
Why can't you just let me know?

I wish you loved yourself
The way that I always loved you
Why can't I get it
Through this thick skull
That this is through

Notes and notes that I've kept
I keep lying to myself, that you haven't left but you're not here
Shell of a boy you made for yourself
Years ago you'd reserved my hell
And you know
What you've done

Make me retreat into myself, just like you told me
Leave me alone but not all at once
I'm selfish the way you taught me to be

Cut me open, let me drain out
Hold a heart that beats for you
What do you get when you come up with nothing?
You get left out. You get left in the dark.